so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Randomize
