Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
