How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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