Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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