My brain says no but my pants say off.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
