Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
