She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
