I was born with a shot glass in my hand
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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