i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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