literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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