Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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