4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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