either way he was missing a nipple.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
