I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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