You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
