well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
