He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This baby is an asshole
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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