Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
not ubering you a puppy
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
