you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
