good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
MIDGETS
????
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
