Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
