I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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