how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
meet me or not, i'm out of control
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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