apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
