I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
