you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
