Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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