When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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