Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
