yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
