idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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