I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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