i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i believe in u and ur pee
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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