Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
