Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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