I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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