Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
