I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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