She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
