Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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