you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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