wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
