Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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