You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
