Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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