Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
