fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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