Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
