I want to stick my p in your. b.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
