im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
