She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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