I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize