The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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