he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
