Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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