census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
