It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
