i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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