Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
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Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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