just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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