i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
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Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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