Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
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Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
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I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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