i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
