I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
