Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
