today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The air taste purple.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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